All around the world, as the sun begins to wane, people gather in their kitchens and prepare an evening meal. Many of these people have children. In my career as a parent, this is the one thing I still cannot figure out. How do people do it? How do you peel the children off for long enough to prepare a meal for which the preparation is a bit more complicated than “cook for six minutes on HIGH”?
Some people use television. This would be fine if I could actually count on both of my children being glued to the television for 30 consecutive minutes at the same time. This has happened, oh, I dunno, like three times in my parenting career. So that’s not useful. Others say, “I simply tell them they have to leave me alone.”
I tried this today. I informed everyone that I needed 30 minutes to cook dinner. Neko, in frustration, promptly went to her bedroom and fell asleep. I suspect the subconscious passive-aggressive in her of thinking, “Evict me from the kitchen? I will foil you by sleeping, thereby totally ruining any chance you have of a smooth bedtime.” (Plan successful.)
Ellery, my ever-sunny baby, burst into tears and continued to sob unless I was holding her. And Shep, literally, had to have skin-to-skin contact for the full dinner prep time.
As I cooked, I began hurling kitchen implements to the floor, just hoping I could distract them for long enough to chop an onion. I managed captivate Shep for a few minutes with these magnetic spoons.