Okay, so the kids did great with the first day of school.
I was doing really well, too. Got coffee, went for a long walk with Ellery. Laughed, chatted, and relaxed a bit. Then I arrived home at noon with Shep and Ellery for lunch. I rounded the corner from the mudroom and found myself staring at these two stools at the counter. And I burst into tears.
These are the two stools where Neko and Shep have eaten lunch, side by side, for nearly two years. Sitting next to one another they laughed and bickered and ate and sang. And suddenly, as I rounded that corner, I realized, on most days, there would be an empty seat at the counter.
I know everyone is where they need to be. Neko needs more than just I can give her right now. She needs friends outside our home and bigger experiences. Shep needs a chance to be the big kid, to direct the play and hone his independence. Ellery needs a chance to not get lost in the shuffle. And me? I need to begin to reclaim some of my own self, which has been tucked in the box of mommyhood for quite some time.
These are good changes, but difficult, and somewhat heartbreaking nonetheless.