Dear Neko, Shep, and Ellery,
All this talk of Bristol Palin becoming a mother before celebrating her 18th birthday has got me thinking about what lies ahead. The fact that you will probably enter into teen relationships that might involve something other than…ahem…friendship.
And don't get me wrong, I know it's a rite of passage, dipping your toes into the world of romance. And that sex thing? I'd prefer you'd wait a while, and I'll be happy to go through all the reasons why I think that's a good idea. But when it comes down to it, the choice is in your hands. But teen pregnancy? PLEASE DON'T GO THERE.
There is a time and place for being a parent. For some it is in your twenties, for others it's your thirties or even forties. But I think most of us would agree those teen years are often less than ideal.
Sometimes I think this blog makes parenthood look too rosy. It's not all pirate ships, afternoon crafts and cozy hugs. It's excruciatingly hard work, akin to being a waitress, activities director, accountant, imagineer, doctor, and UN negotiator all at the same time. And the clients? They're stubborn, challenging, and often forget to say "thank you" for all your hard work. And did I mention how tired I am? I am SO TIRED.
I adore you all. You are my proudest achievements. And although there's almost never a "perfect time" to have children, if you had been born earlier in my life, I don't think I would have done as good a job. I wouldn't have had my head in the right place. I would be remorseful about the experiences I missed out on. I would have done my best, but I wouldn't have been able to give you the attention you deserved.
I'm not saying this about all teen parents. There are plenty who have done an outstanding job, and wouldn't undo it even if they had the chance. But, lordy, that's a tough road.
I want you to get your driver's license. Go to prom (or boycott…your prerogative). Breathe in the smell of fall leaves as you walk to class on a college campus. You should have too many drinks, make a few bad decisions, and get your heart a little broken. You should do all these things without having to hire a babysitter.
The best advice my mother ever gave me is that most things can be resolved with a sincere apology and making amends, but there are a few things in life you can never take back. These are things that you can attempt to mend, but it will never be as it once was. Driving drunk. Being a bad friend. Causing physical or emotional harm. Getting an STD. Having an unplanned pregnancy. We all make mistakes, but please try not to do these things.
So, yes, I will hand out birth control when requested. Or I will support your choice to wait. Whatever your decision, I will pat you on the back for being responsible for your actions and your future. Because, ultimately, isn't that one of our primary goals as parents?
I'm sure Bristol Palin will be fine. She will most likely be a good mother and live a happy and fulfilled life. But the weight that sits on those 17-year-old shoulders today? I ache for her.