Today was the potluck to say goodbye to Kate, Zoe, and Paul since they leave next weekend for a moving tour, which ultimately ends in Denmark, sometime after they have a new baby. I give them big points for undertaking multiple moves and an expanding family all in one shot. I’m excited for all their big changes, but we’re sad to see them go. I feel like we were just really getting to know them. Hopefully, Kate will keep us up-to-date through the magical internet.
It should have been an idyllic evening—perfect weather (sunny and warm), fabulous setting (thank you Molly and Jeff), and good company (playgroup friends and family). And from the photos, you’d think it was, except for the fact that we seem to have no pictures of Zoe, Kate, or Paul. But, then, we thought we’d be staying longer and would have a chance to take some parting shots.
I have no idea what cosmic entities aligned, but Neko was at her worst today. Playing cooperatively with others is a challenge for her on a good day. She just doesn’t fully understand that playing includes give and take. In her ideal world, she makes up all the rules, and everyone follows along behind her like a litter of eager puppies. But playing involves cooperation, give and take. So instead, she just gets mad and storms off. Add to this that she’s starting to become sensitive to what other people think of her, and is easily hurt and frustrated.
So there she was, stealing toys and refusing to play with others or share. When Andrew got sick (arg…I hope we didn’t give him our disease) she ran around like the town crier, spreading the news, without the thought that it might embarrass him. She wanted to play ball with me, but just me, getting mad when Gregory wanted to join in, and then getting mad again when I suggested we take turns hitting the ball.
By the end, she was delighting in her misbehavior, smiling out of the corner of her mouth when I spoke with her. Several unheeded warnings later, we had to go home. Kicking and screaming, we carried her to the car. That’s the thing no one tells you about parenthood, sometimes doing the right thing for your child means you get screwed out of having a good time yourself.
By the time we got home, she was a wreck. Tired and sobbing, we tried to talk through the evening, about how she had hurt people’s feeling and that it can be more fun playing with your friends than by yourself. When she was still sobbing, I asked what was wrong. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Zoe. And now she’s gone.”
Despite all the bad behavior, I’m thrilled to see her conscience is at work. I think she was sad about leaving the party early, but on reflection, she was most sad about missing her opportunity to say goodbye.
This parenthood thing is so hard. Just when we get in a groove, someone gives the snowglobe of our lives a big shake and everything gets tossed upside down and I feel like I’m starting from scratch again.