The Farm Report

  • Note to my children

    Dear Neko, Shep, and Ellery,

    All this talk of Bristol Palin becoming a mother before celebrating her 18th birthday has got me thinking about what lies ahead. The fact that you will probably enter into teen relationships that might involve something other than…ahem…friendship.

    And don't get me wrong, I know it's a rite of passage, dipping your toes into the world of romance. And that sex thing? I'd prefer you'd wait a while, and I'll be happy to go through all the reasons why I think that's a good idea. But when it comes down to it, the choice is in your hands. But teen pregnancy? PLEASE DON'T GO THERE.

    There is a time and place for being a parent. For some it is in your twenties, for others it's your thirties or even forties. But I think most of us would agree those teen years are often less than ideal.

    Sometimes I think this blog makes parenthood look too rosy. It's not all pirate ships, afternoon crafts and cozy hugs. It's excruciatingly hard work, akin to being a waitress, activities director, accountant, imagineer, doctor, and UN negotiator all at the same time. And the clients? They're stubborn, challenging, and often forget to say "thank you" for all your hard work. And did I mention how tired I am? I am SO TIRED.

    I adore you all. You are my proudest achievements. And although there's almost never a "perfect time" to have children, if you had been born earlier in my life, I don't think I would have done as good a job. I wouldn't have had my head in the right place. I would be remorseful about the experiences I missed out on. I would have done my best, but I wouldn't have been able to give you the attention you deserved.

    I'm not saying this about all teen parents. There are plenty who have done an outstanding job, and wouldn't undo it even if they had the chance. But, lordy, that's a tough road.

    I want you to get your driver's license. Go to prom (or boycott…your prerogative). Breathe in the smell of fall leaves as you walk to class on a college campus. You should have too many drinks, make a few bad decisions, and get your heart a little broken. You should do all these things without having to hire a babysitter.

    The best advice my mother ever gave me is that most things can be resolved with a sincere apology and making amends, but there are a few things in life you can never take back. These are things that you can attempt to mend, but it will never be as it once was. Driving drunk. Being a bad friend. Causing physical or emotional harm. Getting an STD. Having an unplanned pregnancy. We all make mistakes, but please try not to do these things.

    So, yes, I will hand out birth control when requested. Or I will support your choice to wait. Whatever your decision, I will pat you on the back for being responsible for your actions and your future. Because, ultimately, isn't that one of our primary goals as parents?

    I'm sure Bristol Palin will be fine. She will most likely be a good mother and live a happy and fulfilled life. But the weight that sits on those 17-year-old shoulders today? I ache for her.

  • Tom is a genius

    Tom is a genius

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    Today got off to a rocky start. We had planned to go to IKEA and pick up a few pressing items, but Neko collapsed into a heap of tears and tantrums at the very mention. We thought she might just have low blood sugar, having been up for two hours with no breakfast (a recurring problem), so we made a last-ditch effort at the coffee shop with muffins.

    Even after some breakfast, she still insisted she just wanted to stay home. And when we had a chance to think about it, we realized we should honor her request. It's been a long week for her, and although we've always been busy, she's used to spending much more of her day around the house. So I packed Ellery and Shep up for IKEA and Tom stayed home with Neko.

    It was the best thing we could have done.

    When I returned home, I was greeted with the conversion of the playgym into a full-blown pirate ship. They had crafted a pirate costume, periscope, anchor, television (which, clearly every pirate ship should have), beds for she and Shep, and a fully-functional pirate flag which went up and down. Even Captain Feathersword was taped to the side of the ship to take part.

    Although Tom had a big hand in construction, he insists that most of the ideas were Neko's, and the two of them couldn't have been more delighted at the results.

  • Staycation…or is it daycation?

    Staycation…or is it daycation?

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    On Friday, Tom and I realized that we had no plans for the weekend. Although we were looking forward to some time at home, that much time at home seemed a little…um…daunting.

    So we decided to head to the zoo in the Big City Up North, which was really fun the last time I went. Four years ago.

    Since I was last there, they've put in a small amusement park area, which was clearly designed by interns. The rides were there, but they seem to have run out of money for landscaping, signage, and other critical items that provide ambiance. And then it was kind of weirdly empty, like we were often the only people on rides, which was exciting but somewhat suspicious.

    From that point on things were all about the rides and the play area and a meal so devoid of nutritional value I was moved to write a letter. I mean, really, my two child-friendly options are hot dogs and deep-fried macaroni and cheese nuggets? Is that served with a sippy cup of Lipitor? I digress. The kids had fun, and that's what important.

    On the way home we stopped by Dan and Chris' house, which the kids had never seen. They've done such a bang-up job, I can hardly believe it's the same house I saw in the original photos. Chris pulled out his old collection of Lego and then the kids discovered the patio made an excellent dance floor and suddenly they were writing up adoption papers and asking to live there. Much dancing, frolicking, and fun was had before we tucked them in the car to go home and sleep in our very own beds.

    This whole staycation/daycation thing might have some merit…

  • Someone slept through Marketing 101

    Someone slept through Marketing 101

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    Why should I buy a newspaper to benefit a children's charity?

    Because a grown man in full make-up holding a paper about identity theft has told me to.

  • Note to self

    Note to self

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    When everyone goes down for quiet time, I need to remember to take a moment, step outside, put my feet up, and sit still. Breathe the air, listen to the birds, and watch my blood pressure plummet.

    So good for the soul.

  • The upside of kindergarten

    The upside of kindergarten

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    Last weekend I had a chance to clean out the mudroom. Today, thanks to two napping children, I had a chance to clean out the pantry. So the mudroom and the pantry are clean and organized AT THE SAME TIME.

    I'm fairly certain this is a sign of the Apocalypse, so you might want to pack up your valuables.

  • Uncle Keith blows into town

    Uncle Keith blows into town

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    Thanks to a conference a few hours north, my uncle Keith whizzed through town for a quick visit. Since he is nearly a decade younger than my mom, he was the hip, happening uncle of my childhood. Full of boundless energy and crazy antics, it was probably a sneak preview of my future life as a parent.

    While he was here he got a good snuggle in with Ellery, who he was meeting for the first time. Which, ahem, is a good sign that he doesn't visit anywhere near enough.

  • Happy birthday, Bonnie

    Happy birthday, Bonnie

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    NO, THAT'S NOT MY ULTRASOUND. Remember, Tom had that surgery? We'd be having a very stern discussion with his urologist if something like that was hanging out in my uterus.

    I'm happy to announce it's the ultrasound of my middle sister, Bonnie, to whom I am passing the Babymaking torch. In early March, we will have a new little baby to squeeze. I will soak up every bit of deliciousness I can out of that baby and then hand it back to Bonnie, head home, and crawl into my bed and enjoy sleep that lasts longer than 2-3 consecutive hours. Hooray for aunt-hood!

    So today, on her birthday, she has graduated from the first trimester, which is a pretty fabulous gift. I wish I could box up and tie a bow around The End of Nausea, but I think that should arrive soon.

    In the meantime, I wish you the very happiest of birthdays. You've waited patiently to head down this road, and I can't wait to welcome the newest member of our family. Happy birthday.

  • Nie Nie Day

    I'm a big fan of other bloggish crafty mamas. I poke around their blogs and pick up ideas and inspirations. While surfing the other night, in an effort to overcome my sentimental first-day-of kindergarten woes, I discovered that a crafty mama, Nie, and her husband had been in a serious plane crash. They are currently in the hospital being treated for critical burns, facing months of recovery and countless expenses. While we might not see eye-to-eye on religion and politics, she's the mother of four young children with a love for photographing her children, her life, and all things crafty, so this hits close to home for me.

    In an effort to help, today has been declared Nie Nie Day. Bloggers across the web are holding silent auctions to benefit the family. I encourage you to poke around the list of auctions and do a little shopping for the cause. Or simply make a small donation here. I'm sure thoughts, prayers, or whatever your spiritual convictions move you to do are greatly appreciated.

    Then go squeeze your family extra good and tight. We are all so lucky to be standing in our shoes on this very day.

  • Introducing…Shep!

    Introducing…Shep!

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    A funny thing happened today—I had a conversation with Shep. He found the books of patterned paper, and set out on a long project that involved a whole lot of cutting and mess-making. For nearly half and hour he sat at the counter and he cut and talked and there was meaning and a somewhat logical flow.

    I can't imagine this would have played out as it did if Neko had been in the room. I love her with all my heart, and the absence of her loud, boisterous, directive personality has left a big gaping hole in our day. But in little ways, I think we'll slowly be able to fill in the gaps, and fill them in ways that make each of us grow.